One Year of Marital Bliss

It's hard to believe that Mike and I have already been married for a year, but wouldn't you know it, July 17 has come and gone, along with our first anniversary!  When I look back over this first year, it has been the same as the previous six, in many ways.  But towards the end, there were definitely some changes.  At first, I honestly didn't feel marriage was any different from dating - except for the name change...

I think once I got past that hurdle I was able to experience the change and inexplicable security and peace that has been my life married to Mike.  It's pretty hard to explain without mushing it up, so I won't try.  Plus, some things are best kept between two love birds!

Anyway, we celebrated our anniversary very simply as we had just returned from our huge European adventure.  Our anniversary was on Sunday, and on Saturday we went to Napa and visited some of our favorite spots, as well as some new ones.  On our actual anniversary, we had a lovely brunch, went to see Harry Potter in IMAX 3D, and then enjoyed our wedding wine and cupcakes!  And, wouldn't you know, the day was made even more wonderful by the fact that our good friends, Brittney and Sasha, got engaged!!

Happy anniversary to the most wonderful husband in the world - the person who makes me smile every day, puts up with my shenanigans, cheers me up when I feel down and laughs with me when things are great - Mike Fujii.

A quick stop at one of our favorites: Domain Chandon 

My handsome hubby :)

Our handsome puppy, Taiko!!!

Lunch from Oakville Grocery!  Yummmmm!

Mystery flavor - turned out to be apricot.  Pretty good!

This is why we love Cali!

I put together an updated version of our wedding video (edited by me!) to celebrate the occasion.  Click here to check it out!

La vita e meglio con la pasta

Yes, it's true. Life is better with pasta!  In preparation for our European vacation - which is happening 1 week from TODAY! - we prepared a homemade pasta meal!  Pasta alla vongole - a la Bon Appetit magazine.  It had an Italian theme this month, and we just couldn't say no!

The prep was fun, and the eating was even better.  What a great way to gear up for our trip!  Viva Italia!

Finito!

Giving Thanks

Have you read Emily Rose's blog?  No? (smack, hit, punch upside the head).  Why????  It's amazing.  In all seriousness, though...


She blogged about a wedding she attended this weekend where the couple used the same reading she and her husband did when they got married, almost two years ago.  I remember her amazing wedding, which reminded me of ours - again, to use her sentiments - not in a selfish way.  But because witnessing and experiencing the love of others makes you value you and cherish your own more.


And so, I was then reminded of our own wedding vows and promises. Ours was an Apache Marriage Blessing, and some wise words from the man who knows it all - Dr. Seuss...

APACHE MARRIAGE BLESSING

Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be the shelter for each other. Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be the warmth for the other. Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before. Go now to your dwelling place to enter into the days of your life together. And may your days be good and long upon the earth.

Treat yourselves and each other with respect, and remind yourselves often of what brought you together. Give the highest priority to the tenderness, gentleness and kindness that your connection deserves.  When frustration, difficulty and fear assail your relationship – as they threaten all relationships at one time or another - remember to focus on what is right between you, not only the part which seems wrong. In this way, you can ride out the storms when clouds hide the face of the sun in your lives - remembering that even if you lose sight of it for a moment, the sun is still there. And if each of you takes responsibility for the quality of your life together, it will be marked by abundance and delight. 

And - in the words of everybody's favorite childhood author...

Congratulations!  Today is your day.  You’re off to Great Places!  You’re off and away!  And will you succeed?  Yes!  You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)  Kid, you’ll move mountains!  So…be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ale Van Allen O’Shea, you’re off to Great Places!  Today is your day!  Your mountain is waiting.  So…get on your way!

I remember my father reading this to me, and then, a mere 25 years later, our dearest friend incorporating it into our marriage ceremony.  Life is circular in so many ways.  Celebrate love, wise words and marriage.

Tax Widow

As I write this, I am in the midst of a glorious Winter break.  In my high school years, this was called "Ski Skate Week" - because we lived in the snow, and could use the week to ski and skate.  I think people in the Bay still call it that, but I don't - because we don't live in the snow!  It has to have a new name.  I just call it vacation now:)

However, my vacation would be doubly more pleasurable if my wonderful husband wasn't in the midst of the complete opposite of vacation: busy season.  Every year for the last five years, my wonderful Mike has been shoulder deep in taxes, from mid-January to mid-April.  For the last five years, I have had two week-long vacations right in the middle of that time that we are unable to enjoy together because of the demands of his job!  It is around this time (after about 3-4 weeks of this nonsense) that I start to resent taxes, the IRS, PP&Co, and anything else that explains my husband's absence from our house for more than 12 hours a day.

Don't get me wrong, I am beyond thankful that we are both gainfully employed.  However, living solo a quarter of the year is no fun!  He is sorely missed.

In other, happier, news, Mike and I are putting the finishing touches on a vacation we will be able to spend together, and one that we have been saving for and dreaming of for a few years now.  In June, we will take off to Europe for a 3-week trip to five different countries!  We will be visiting Italy, Spain, Turkey, Greece and Israel!  For the first part of the tour we will be going on a cruise, which will take us From Rome to Naples, to Athens, to Hypha, to Ashdod, to Cosadasi, to Rhodes, to Chania and back.  Then, we will meet up with my mom and sister in Rome, and travel around Tuscany, (including back to my beloved Siena - I get butterflies even writing that!), and then fly over to Spain for a few days, then home.

This trip is beyond special for many reasons.  The first is that Mike has never been to Europe before, and I am so excited to share that experience with him, including showing him my old stomping grounds in Italy.  I can't wait to be eating gelato in the middle of the piazza at sunset.  La vita e' bella here in San Jose, but la vita e bellissima en Italia!  I can't wait.  Seriously.  My sister, also, has never been to any of these countries, and I am really excited to be there with her.  I haven't been back to Europe since college, and remember it as one of the highlights of my life so far (among other amazing experiences such as marrying Mike - it was that good!)

We have also been planning on and trying to go on this trip for a few years, but something always seems to come up - finances, events, weddings, etc.  All worth the postponement, but we are thrilled that the trip is finally on the dockets.

I am mailing out my passport today - one of the final documents to undergo the name change, and the travel agent is working on the airfare.  Yahoo!

Other fun happenings in the Fujii household are that we recently celebrated our first Valentine's Day as a married couple.  Very fun!  We are not huge Valentine people, and usually think of some low key thing to do to avoid the ridiculous crowds.  This year, we went out to Dim Sum for lunch on Sunday and the Monday night, I made dinner for us at home, and we drank champagne and enjoyed Mike coming home from work early!  We also agreed not to do any big gifts, but on a whim, I stopped by the Smoke Shop and picked up 2 "sticks" - or cigars - for Mike.  Recommendations from the store owner, because I sure as hell don't know anything about cigars, let alone enough to pick them out for Mike!  This is not one of my favorite hobbies of Mike's, but it brings him pleasure and relaxation, and so I enjoy that aspect.  He got me a gift certificate to a book shop - not one of my favorite hobbies either.  I thought that captured what a perfect match we have ;)

For the next couple of weeks, it will be pretty quiet around here.  But then we are off to Kauai.  So I really can't complain.

Things have been going well in the world of yes - my NY resolution.  I am struggling a bit to find a balance between my "yessing" and being an effective teacher - but I guess that is real life.  Trying to give to the things that are most important to you, and still be effective at everything.  It's a continual struggle for me, but I think I am getting better every year.  I figure by the time I am ready to retire, or die, I might have gotten close to figuring it out.

The name change has turned a corner recently, and is becoming easier.  I am moving away from the no man's land I occupied for some time, and have moved to looking at my old name, Stephanie Griesmer, with a kind of interest - cocked head, furrowed brow, pursed lips.  It's hard to put into words the feeling, but it seems to fit me less and less.  As Emily predicted, the more times I hear it, the more I sign it, it becomes more and more a part of me.  And that is good.

Life as Mrs. Fujii

Whew!  The wedding is over!  No, that is not a sigh of relief - to be honest, I really didn't feel totally stressed about anything.  The only thing that threw me for a loop was Mike's dad, but I was stressed about his health - not about the impact on the wedding.  But, now that it is over, we can revel in the memories and celebrate what's ahead - which is the REAL fun part!!

Admittedly, adjusting to life as Mrs. Fujii has been extremely difficult for me.  In name only.  Literally.  I never realized what a difficult time I would have saying goodbye to my name.  The name NOBODY said right.  NOBODY spelled right.  The name that earned me countless "choice" nicknames in high school.  Yes, the same name.  Griesmer.  The irony is that I thought people would have LESS trouble with Fujii.  Not true, ladies and gentlemen.  People still spell it wrong - G instead of J, one I instead of two.  The list goes on.

I was so looking forward to having the same last name as Mike.  My belief is that it really unifies you as a family, and so, I didn't think I would have a problem with it.  I started off small.  I changed my profile name on Facebook.  You don't need any official documentation to do that - so I did.  The day after the wedding.  Many of my friends emailed me, saying it threw them off at first to see "Stephanie Fujii" - they didn't know who it was right away.  We all laughed, and moved on.  I didn't have a problem seeing my name as Stephanie Fujii on Facebook.  The challenge was yet to present itself.

Mike and I went to turn in our marriage license the Monday after our wedding.  I wanted to get that process going so that I could do all of the other "lovely" things I had to take care of.  When she handed our certificate over, I cried.  I seriously could not help myself or stop it either.  It wasn't a sob, but even something as simple and basic as a piece of paper really knocked me down.  I was no longer Ms. G.

Then, it was off to the Social Security office - this one didn't hit me until later.  I was so relieved that the wait was not as epic as everyone had prophesied.  It was only 20 minutes before my new name was in the system, and I was being "converted" from a Griesmer to a Fujii.  It was only a few days later when I was talking to my mom that I realized what a difficult time I was having.  I felt like I was giving away a piece of myself - who I have been for the past 27 years.  That is over a quarter of my expected life that I have been this person.  And yes, I do realize that I will be the same - but only in some regards.  You don't realize how intensely personal and important your name is, until you have to say goodbye to it - or in my case, choose to say goodbye to it.

I also struggled because Mike was not having to change anything.  I mean, he gets to be the same Michael Akira Fujii that he has always been.  Part of me was grappling with the "fairness" of it all - why do I have to change who I am, and he doesn't?  I have to become part of him - why can't we meet in the middle?  I had to force myself to go back to why I wanted to make this choice in the first place.  In many ways, I am very traditional, and this is one of the traditions that I respect because I think it unifies your family.  I knew that my heart wanted to follow through, but my head was really getting in the way - damn intellect!

The final stop was at the DMV. I had to go this one alone because Mike had actually gone back to work.  In a way it was good for me to go alone - I had to follow through of my own volition.  I filled out all of the paperwork, and waited for my number to be called.  (Thank God I had scheduled an appointment - this place was BUSY!!)  When I saw B26, I walked up to the designated station and presented my documents and check.  I was shuffled over to the picture spot, where I had to decide on my new signature that would accompany my license for the next however many years.  I smiled for the photo, and walked out the door.  I was welling up, but didn't let it out all the way because I was in the DMV for goodness sakes!

The process was over - I was fully converted, so to speak.

The past few weeks have been especially difficult, because most of the reason I was having trouble saying goodbye to my name is because it is a huge part of my professional life, and my professional life is a big part of my life.  I have been Ms. G, Ms. Griesmer, Ms. G-Unit for the past four years.  There is a certain weight, knowledge and reputation that comes with that name.  Some of those things I am glad to be saying goodbye to.  There are some parts of me that are welcoming the fresh start and new beginning.  But another part is sad that another one of my colleagues is getting to be the new Ms. G.  Mrs. F doesn't have the same ring to it ;)

Kids who I have never had before in class are asking me what I want to be called, which is a bit surprising, since they never knew me as Ms. G.  Walking across campus I respond to everything - Mrs. Fujii!  Ms. G!  Mrs. Griesmer!  G-Money!  Gries!!  Fujiisan!  I feel like my person has fractured into all of these pieces!  I am in the midst of an identity crisis.

However, as the weeks go on, and my old name gets further away from me, and my new one becomes more natural, I find that I am in a weird no man's land.  I am not fully attached to either name, and so feel a bit lost.  My colleague, Dina, actually used my crisis as an example in her mythology class for the idea of "liminality" - where you are transitioning between two worlds.  Some of my old kids who have her now came up in the days after her example, and asked about it.  Was I embarrassed?  Why was it so hard?  Why did I change it anyway?

It's difficult to explain to most teenagers the confusion and sadness and excitement that accompany any significant change in life.  I wanted to assure them that they, too, will soon be in the middle of a crisis - transitioning from high school to college.  But some things I guess it's better to find out for yourself.  So, for now, I am swimming in the abyss of the disconnected, and having faith that soon, my new name will attach itself to me with all of the ferocity my old one did.  That one day I won't be able to imagine being anybody but Stephanie Fujii.  Until then, I will miss you Stephanie Griesmer.  You were a trip.