Life as Mrs. Fujii

Whew!  The wedding is over!  No, that is not a sigh of relief - to be honest, I really didn't feel totally stressed about anything.  The only thing that threw me for a loop was Mike's dad, but I was stressed about his health - not about the impact on the wedding.  But, now that it is over, we can revel in the memories and celebrate what's ahead - which is the REAL fun part!!

Admittedly, adjusting to life as Mrs. Fujii has been extremely difficult for me.  In name only.  Literally.  I never realized what a difficult time I would have saying goodbye to my name.  The name NOBODY said right.  NOBODY spelled right.  The name that earned me countless "choice" nicknames in high school.  Yes, the same name.  Griesmer.  The irony is that I thought people would have LESS trouble with Fujii.  Not true, ladies and gentlemen.  People still spell it wrong - G instead of J, one I instead of two.  The list goes on.

I was so looking forward to having the same last name as Mike.  My belief is that it really unifies you as a family, and so, I didn't think I would have a problem with it.  I started off small.  I changed my profile name on Facebook.  You don't need any official documentation to do that - so I did.  The day after the wedding.  Many of my friends emailed me, saying it threw them off at first to see "Stephanie Fujii" - they didn't know who it was right away.  We all laughed, and moved on.  I didn't have a problem seeing my name as Stephanie Fujii on Facebook.  The challenge was yet to present itself.

Mike and I went to turn in our marriage license the Monday after our wedding.  I wanted to get that process going so that I could do all of the other "lovely" things I had to take care of.  When she handed our certificate over, I cried.  I seriously could not help myself or stop it either.  It wasn't a sob, but even something as simple and basic as a piece of paper really knocked me down.  I was no longer Ms. G.

Then, it was off to the Social Security office - this one didn't hit me until later.  I was so relieved that the wait was not as epic as everyone had prophesied.  It was only 20 minutes before my new name was in the system, and I was being "converted" from a Griesmer to a Fujii.  It was only a few days later when I was talking to my mom that I realized what a difficult time I was having.  I felt like I was giving away a piece of myself - who I have been for the past 27 years.  That is over a quarter of my expected life that I have been this person.  And yes, I do realize that I will be the same - but only in some regards.  You don't realize how intensely personal and important your name is, until you have to say goodbye to it - or in my case, choose to say goodbye to it.

I also struggled because Mike was not having to change anything.  I mean, he gets to be the same Michael Akira Fujii that he has always been.  Part of me was grappling with the "fairness" of it all - why do I have to change who I am, and he doesn't?  I have to become part of him - why can't we meet in the middle?  I had to force myself to go back to why I wanted to make this choice in the first place.  In many ways, I am very traditional, and this is one of the traditions that I respect because I think it unifies your family.  I knew that my heart wanted to follow through, but my head was really getting in the way - damn intellect!

The final stop was at the DMV. I had to go this one alone because Mike had actually gone back to work.  In a way it was good for me to go alone - I had to follow through of my own volition.  I filled out all of the paperwork, and waited for my number to be called.  (Thank God I had scheduled an appointment - this place was BUSY!!)  When I saw B26, I walked up to the designated station and presented my documents and check.  I was shuffled over to the picture spot, where I had to decide on my new signature that would accompany my license for the next however many years.  I smiled for the photo, and walked out the door.  I was welling up, but didn't let it out all the way because I was in the DMV for goodness sakes!

The process was over - I was fully converted, so to speak.

The past few weeks have been especially difficult, because most of the reason I was having trouble saying goodbye to my name is because it is a huge part of my professional life, and my professional life is a big part of my life.  I have been Ms. G, Ms. Griesmer, Ms. G-Unit for the past four years.  There is a certain weight, knowledge and reputation that comes with that name.  Some of those things I am glad to be saying goodbye to.  There are some parts of me that are welcoming the fresh start and new beginning.  But another part is sad that another one of my colleagues is getting to be the new Ms. G.  Mrs. F doesn't have the same ring to it ;)

Kids who I have never had before in class are asking me what I want to be called, which is a bit surprising, since they never knew me as Ms. G.  Walking across campus I respond to everything - Mrs. Fujii!  Ms. G!  Mrs. Griesmer!  G-Money!  Gries!!  Fujiisan!  I feel like my person has fractured into all of these pieces!  I am in the midst of an identity crisis.

However, as the weeks go on, and my old name gets further away from me, and my new one becomes more natural, I find that I am in a weird no man's land.  I am not fully attached to either name, and so feel a bit lost.  My colleague, Dina, actually used my crisis as an example in her mythology class for the idea of "liminality" - where you are transitioning between two worlds.  Some of my old kids who have her now came up in the days after her example, and asked about it.  Was I embarrassed?  Why was it so hard?  Why did I change it anyway?

It's difficult to explain to most teenagers the confusion and sadness and excitement that accompany any significant change in life.  I wanted to assure them that they, too, will soon be in the middle of a crisis - transitioning from high school to college.  But some things I guess it's better to find out for yourself.  So, for now, I am swimming in the abyss of the disconnected, and having faith that soon, my new name will attach itself to me with all of the ferocity my old one did.  That one day I won't be able to imagine being anybody but Stephanie Fujii.  Until then, I will miss you Stephanie Griesmer.  You were a trip.